Pancreas

I haven't been around much lately..... We just passed the 6th anniversary of my mother's very short but violent battle with Pancreatic cancer. I never try to get wrapped up in dates but she died the day after my daughter's birthday so it is hard to forget.... This year I had another swift kick in the groin almost to the day. I have been feeling really bad. It was worse than morning sickness with the babies and the ulcer. So I went to the Dr. never thinking that anything would not be able to be fixed by a pill.... The Dr. said I was stressed and that I need to deal with the stress. Really. Then 2 days later I couldn't even get out of bed and I had a wedding cake to do. I really needed to get there. I called the Dr. made another appointment and to my joy she ordered a lot of tests. Blood tests. Nuts! She thinks I have an ulcer but we need to make sure that it isn't bacterial.

A few days later I get a call from the Dr. and she said all of my numbers are out of whack and she thinks it might be Pancreatitis and that my sugar is high, Potassium is dangerously low. Hello Internet investigation. Well, we all know where that ends. The scary road to every horror story world wide.

I try to keep an open mind but the ulcer meds aren't working AT ALL! I can't sleep I can't function. I don't even know how I got to work. All I know is that I have funky numbers, I can't eat, My Robin is scared and I have left Randy in a huge bind on the farm because we just have to get the crops in. Not to mention I now have something wrong with my Pancreas. The one organ that I never wanted to hear about ever again especially after it only being 6 years.

So the Dr. orders more tests. Barium swallow, Ultra sound and a lot more blood work. She calls me again next day, number are still way off. Blood sugar is really high, potassium low. I think you might have type one diabetes. HOLY CRAP.

She said there was scaring in the part above the stomach which could have been from the ulcer ten years ago but it could be from my recent troubles. Call this surgeon you need to get scoped. WHAT? And, we need MORE BLOOD WORK. nuts double.

So, here I sit waiting to get another phone call. Still knowing my pancreas is off and knowing that my body is still not right. Of all of the times in my life a pill can't fix me... Everything happens for a reason but my Pancreas? Really? I always thought that my mother had killed herself. She drank more than anyone should in three lifetimes, smoked and overall had poor health all of her life. Here I am proudly never done drugs, don't drink and only smoked one ciggy in all of my life (and barfed...). So, maybe I am supposed to find more compassion for my mother rather than the anger I have felt for all of my life.

So, on my day off I will sit in a tractor and mow stalks and think and think and think and wait for the call. triple nuts. Somehow I am praying this will turn into a funny story...